I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
