the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
