I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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