if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
