dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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