I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
