There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
