Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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