My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
