i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
