I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
