i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
