I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
