Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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