i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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