so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
