Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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