tell your sister to shave her snatch
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
