how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
