i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
