My room smells like vodka and shame
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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