my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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