when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
