I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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