so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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