I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
