I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize