I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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