That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
