It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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