last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
