If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
