I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
