You smell like stripper and shame
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
