Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
