watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
