so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
