i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
