What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
