I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
