just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
