I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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