This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
