I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
