just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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