are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
