Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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