tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
