Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
