Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
two words...techno handjob
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
