I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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