You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
