we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you will always have a special place in my vag
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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