Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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