yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Randomize
