I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
