Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize