It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
