I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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