I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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