Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
