So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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