So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
