You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
where does the pee come out of this thing
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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