nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
