he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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