Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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