I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
