sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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