i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
