I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
