Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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