is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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