The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
