I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
