I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize