hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
