HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
